BLOG: Ferguson’s name added to already lengthy list of violations

We have just experienced the worst two weeks in football disciplinary history. From Queens football being stripped of a hard fought road win to several NFL running backs co-signing that domestic violence is acceptable, this week has shaken football to its core.

It is with deep regret that I must add my own racoon ravaged garbage shreds to the already overflowing landfill of football violations.

Earlier this week after football practice at Ron Joyce Stadium on the campus of McMaster University I made a grave realization. Upon distribution of our customary Tuesday evening team meal consisting of chicken, pasta and salad I overheard a member of the Marauder football program tell a teammate of mine that he would be “an outcast” if he didn’t add some healthy greens to his plate.

Naturally I experienced a craving for Atlanta based hip hop upon hearing the word outcast. At that point I rushed towards my iPhone to play their hit single “Hey Ya” on the locker room speakers, a crowd pleasing family friendly jam if their ever was one.

It is at that moment I realized I had made a major transgression. I did not have “Hey Ya” on my iPhone, nor did my mobile device contain any music by Outkast.

In omitting Outkast from my mobile music machine I have disappointed and disgusted lovers of hip hop, rap, R&B and soul everywhere.

I have to live with the fact that I was raised on a steady diet of The Steve Miller band,  The Eagles, Sheryl Crow, Bryan Adams and many other white guy classics. As a result I have spent years blindly inflicting my limited musical understanding on a room full of diverse and incredibly knowledgeable men. While I acknowledge this is how I was raised I understand that many people are outraged by my musical actions.

No one can understand the hurt that I feel for my teammates and for the harm I have caused them in my inability to supply adequate music. My goal is always to supply my team with entertaining and enjoyable music. This week I failed to do that.

I am self reporting this infraction in hopes of regaining the public trust and understanding of the OUA football community at large. I never intended to hurt anyone and I will do everything in my power to correct this horrible error.

Since Tuesday evening I have taken the necessary steps to correct this mistake by adding several Outkast albums to my personal music collection and even creating an Outkast playlist on 8Tracks.com in an effort to prevent others from ignoring the musical genius that is Outkast.

I have also made a sizeable donation to the Big Kidz Foundation, the philanthropic vision of Outkast member Antwan “Big Boi” Patton. This foundation is an effort to take education and knowledge to another dimension through the wonder of song and dance. It is my wish that Big Boi and Andre 3000 will accept my donation as both an admittance of error and appropriate apology.

On behalf of my friends, family and teammates I would like to whole heartedly apologize for this embarrassing mistake in judgement. This situation has renewed my sense of importance in being the best son, boyfriend, music listener, father (in 10 years), and concert attendee I can possibly be.

I simply ask that you do not judge me by the structural integrity of my iTunes library, but by the accepting nature of my musical choices moving forward.

All further questions regarding this incident can be directed towards a personal injury and defence lawyer from Buffalo, New York. Not any one lawyer in particular, just pick one and ask them about it. I’m sure they’ll find an answer for you.

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